< Unto a Foolish Man >
Ironhorse: I have to say, that was the best
tapioca pudding I've had in a long time.
Harrison: Hey, Colonel, you haven't seen
Suzanne's alien spawn sac experiment, have you?
It was in a small plastic bowl with a blue lid...
Ironhorse: What?!!
Harrison: Just kidding, Colonel. You can relax.
Ironhorse: Dammit, Harrison, that wasn't funny!
Harrison: You're absolutely right - it wasn't.
(laughs) But the expression on your face sure was!
Ironhorse: Please don't push my patience, Doctor,
or you might just find yourself swimming in one of
Suzanne’s experiments.
< End >
< Paul Hath Persuaded >
Ironhorse: We’re out of ammo in the target room again.
Suzanne: Yeah, well, I need about a dozen items for the lab.
Harrison: And the truck needs a tune-up… And we need
a replacement battery for the phone…
Ironhorse: You know, we’re the team that stands
between this planet’s freedom and a complete
take-over by invading aliens – you’d think
we could get some more respect!
Harrison: You could always write General Wilson
and let him know how you feel.
Ironhorse: Not a bad idea.
Sir, fighting aliens is expensive…
Sir, the others would like to ask a favor…
Sir, I need more guns…
Ironhorse: Damn.
Harrison: Wow, fifteen supply boxes? And even the
new joystick Norton wanted. Colonel, I’m impressed.
Ironhorse: The General was more than happy to fill
our requisition forms.
Harrison: That must have been some letter!
Ironhorse: Actually, I gave up on that idea.
Harrison: Really? Then what was in that fat
package I saw you posting?
Ironhorse: Just an early Christmas gift for the
General – copies of the two ‘Alien’ movies.
Harrison: Congratulations, Colonel, you do have
some people skills after all.
< End >
< And on the Seventh Day >
Ironhorse: I hate these periods of inactivity between
alien attacks. I don’t like just sitting around. Dammit,
Suzanne, you’re the psychologist here – don’t
you have any suggestions?
Suzanne: Sorry, Paul, but I’m clean out of ideas.
Personally, I like it when we get these breaks.
I finally get to take a long hot bath and catch up on
the new 'Harlequins'. Of course, that relaxation
method isn’t for everyone.
Ironhorse: What about you?
Norton: D’ya mean: How do I relax? I try and beat my
high scores. I’m already up to nine digits on Pac-Man.
Wanna give it a shot?
Ironhorse: Not particularly.
Ironhorse: Harrison, can I ask you a question? … Harrison?
Harrison: … …
Ironhorse: Nevermind. I don’t know why the hell I thought I’d
ask you anyway. You’d just give me some kind of mumbo
jumbo like, ‘Here, come join me in listening to the candle’.
Harrison: ... ... What was that you said, Colonel? … Colonel?
Ironhorse: Good morning, people! Beautiful day
we’re having, isn’t it? I’ll be in my room, if anyone
needs anything.
Harrison: What’s with the Colonel?
Suzanne: I don’t know, but I didn’t want to say anything
in case it broke the spell.
Norton: Well, I saw him carrying his tomahawk earlier,
and you’ll notice, nothing around here needs trimming
any longer.
< End >
< Among the Multitude >
Ironhorse: You said you needed a favor?
Suzanne: Yes, I need to keep monitoring these alien
cell cultures – they’re finally going into their metamorphic
stage – but I was supposed to take Debi to get her new
school supplies today. Could you take her instead?
Ironhorse: What do you think, Miss McCullough,
would you like a security escort to the mall?
Debi: Sure!
Suzanne: Sorry to put you to the trouble.
Ironhorse: Considering that on a regular basis I go
up against an enemy that’s hell-bent on destroying us
and taking away every last shred of humanity we have,
I don’t think this is what I’d call trouble.
Suzanne: Well, thank you, Paul. It’ll be a big help.
Suzanne: Paul! What happened?
Ironhorse: Everything. The lines, the crowds, the decisions.
Automatic vs pre-sharpened, loose-leaf vs five subject.
Waterproof acrylic with extra pencil pouch vs tear-resistant
nylon with bonus juice box carrier. And then we still had to
get it all rung up…
Harrison: There, there, Colonel. It’s all over, you’re safe now.
Ironhorse: I don’t want to see another item with ‘Hello Kitty’
on it for as long as I live.
< End >
< Obtained I This Freedom >
Suzanne: Arrgh. I can’t squint through this microscope
another minute. Does anybody mind if I call it a day
and Debi and I go have a girl’s night out?
Norton: Nah, go ahead, you’ve earned yourself a break.
Suzanne: You’re sure? You won’t need my help for anything?
Norton: We’ll be fine. I’m just correlating alien probe
frequencies, nothing major.
Harrison: Yes, and I’m merely letting some equations
take root in the fertile soil of my mind.
Ironhorse: I’m only doing paperwork.
Suzanne: Okay, thanks.
Suzanne: ‘Bye boys, don’t over work.
Norton: Kim Wilde, definitely.
Ironhorse: No it’s not, it’s Madonna. Even I know that,
and I don’t listen to the song.
Harrison: You’re both wrong, it’s B: Cyndi Lauper.
Norton: Noooo way, Doc. I’m not taking anymore of your
suggestions – not after you answered Cindy Crawford
for ‘Who played Sarah Connor’.
Harrison: That one’s not my fault; Ironhorse was
distracting me.
< End >
< Do Unto Others >
Harrison: Ah, the coffee’s made – good, I can really use some.
Ironhorse: I wouldn’t drink it if I were you. I think
I saw the coffee pot in the lab when Suzanne was
doing that alien fungus experiment.
Harrison: Nice try, Colonel, but those mind games
aren’t going to work on me. As you may recall, it was
I who pulled a similar trick on you. Bottom’s up.
Harrison: Yuck, that tasted horrible.
Ironhorse: Don’t give me that look – I warned
you didn’t I?
Harrison: Couldn’t you have just said it was
yesterday’s coffee reheated?
Ironhorse: Of course, but that wouldn’t have
been nearly as satisfying.
< End >
< And Began to Question >
Ironhorse: Damn, we’ve been staking this place
out for sixteen straight hours, and still no activity.
We’re not even sure the aliens are involved in this.
Harrison: Right, what we need is a non-lethal method
of getting them to come out. … We could always use
that technique of playing disorientating sound at a
very high volume. I suggest we use that ‘Saturday
Night Fever’ album you have stashed under your bed.
Ironhorse: And why the hell were you going
through my belongings?
Harrison: Merely a security precaution, Colonel.
I’m sure you went through all of my things.
Ironhorse: Nevermind, we can’t wait any longer...
Ironhorse: …I’m going in.
Ironhorse: Alright, tell us what sort of operation
you’re running here.
Man in warehouse: Never. Your guns don’t scare me.
Harrison: Hmm, we might need to use a different
tactic on this one.
Ironhorse: Answer me – now! - or you’ll be forced
to watch my Travolta impression.
Man in warehouse: (whimpers) Okay, okay! I’ll talk!
Harrison: That’s showing ‘im, Colonel.
< End >
< Mine Enemy Doth Not Triumph >
Ironhorse: Norton, cover the exit. If it comes your way, aim to kill.
Norton: Right.
Ironhorse: Suzanne, you take the left flank. Don’t let it get past you.
Suzanne: I’m ready.
Ironhorse: Harrison, you take the right flank. And whatever
you do, don’t let it out of your sight.
Harrison: Aye-aye, Colonel.
Ironhorse: I’m going to strike on three. Ready? One… Two…
Ironhorse: Three!
Harrison: You got it!
Norton: Woo-Hoo!
Suzanne: Oh, thank god.
Harrison: That was one incredible arachnid.
Suzanne: Ug, maybe we should think about getting
an exterminator to come around once in awhile.
Ironhorse: What? And let you three get lackadaisical
about your combat training. Not on my watch.
< End >
< None Shall Pass >
Harrison: Was it your favorite food?
Ironhorse: No.
Harrison: Was it the name of a pet?
Ironhorse: No.
Harrison: A favorite movie title, perhaps?
Ironhorse: No.
Harrison: The name of an old flame?
Ironhorse: No.
Harrison: We’ll be stuck out here all night if you don’t
remember your passcode.
Ironhorse: I’m thinking, alright.
Harrison: And what about the recall position – is that
helping at all?
Ironhorse: It’s helping me to feel ridiculous.
Harrison: That’s odd; it works for me. Maybe if you
go on to stage two: try swinging back and forth in a
figure eight pattern while chanting a Tibetan mantra.
Ironhorse: I don’t know any.
Harrison: Well, why don’t I call one of the others
and we can just explain—
Ironhorse: Wait. It’s coming to me.
Ironhorse: “War is hell”.
Harrison: It took you an hour and a half to remember that?
Gee, we’re lucky you didn’t make it something that was
hard to remember like ‘A. B. C.’
Ironhorse: Give me a break, Blackwood, I’ve been under
a lot of strain lately – and you don’t help.
< End >
< Love Thy Neighbor >
Ironhorse: Okay, people, fill me in.
Harrison: Well, Norton has finally cracked that new
signal - it's from a different alien lifeform than the
ones we're fighting. This could be a very significant moment.
Suzanne: Yes, very.
Norton: In the alien’s message was a list of things
he'd like us to have available during his visit to our planet.
Ironhorse: That’s fine. This is first contact, so we should
try to comply to his requests, if we can. We don't need
another alien race hating our guts. What's on his list, Mr. Drake?
Norton: Um, well... Three cases of beer, the entire series
of ‘Buffalo Bill’ on VHS, and two of our most beautiful
cheerleaders.
ALF: Hey, Mr. Military - why the long face? Did your
cat die? Gee, I hope not. I was hoping to eat it— I mean MEET it.
Ironhorse: On the other hand, this might be a good
time to test that new laser weapon…
< End >
These are some some funny strips. thank you for doing thes.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I love the humor of the show. And I love funny caps :D
Delete